CONCEPT

Boundaries have the power to influence others because you are modelling healthy behaviours.

Boundaries are measures that we can put in place to protect one another. Communicating our boundaries takes practice, and you won’t do it perfectly. It is essential that first, you understand the concept of boundaries, learn best practices for communicating boundaries and then move on to implementing boundaries where needed - done with compassion and consciousness.

As we have evolved as a species, boundaries have come into our collective consciousness slowly.

They are a relatively new concept. Not long ago, we viewed other humans as property (and still do in some parts of the world) and put up with highly inappropriate behaviours at home and in the workplace.

We are learning that we can speak up and use our words to ensure our personal beliefs and morals are protected. Learning about boundaries, understanding them, and practising communicating them effectively can only help us evolve.

BEST PRACTICE FOR COMMUNICATING BOUNDARIES

A boundary is either explicit, you have shared it with someone, or personal, meaning that only you are aware of it and protect yourself when needed by implementing the boundary. 

A boundary is a statement of what you need or will not tolerate.

— When is a boundary needed?

You may notice that you need to implement a boundary in a relationship of some kind when something the other person is doing or saying affects you negatively.
If your boundary needs to be explicit, then the best thing to do would be to set aside time to discuss with the other party. If it is non-negotiable, you need to outline the boundary and give a brief reason. The best thing to remember is that we have no control over someone else’s reaction. If you receive a challenging response, you can always step back and say you would like to end the conversation for now. If there are consequences, you need to outline them clearly and be willing to follow through.

Telling someone that you are putting a boundary in place can be inflammatory and isn’t always necessary. However, when you realise you have a boundary you would like to observe, do not act hastily but first answer these questions.

  • Who/what is the boundary for/about?

    Who does the boundary benefit and why?

    Is this boundary negotiable?

    Are the consequences if this boundary isn’t respected?

    Does it need to be discussed with the other person/group?

    How best can I communicate this?

INNER BOUNDARIES

You can have boundaries with yourself. For example, an inner boundary might be no harsh inner voice or no judgment of others. So when you find yourself wanting to engage in negative self-talk, you can become aware and steer your mind away.