Self(less) Discovery
image by yasmin bawa
Self-discovery is a selfless act. This may seem contradictory but once you’ve started on the journey of self-discovery you will quickly realise that you are but one of the many beneficiaries. Taking the time to look at yourself, what has come before and how your life is currently feeling takes courage. It would be much simpler to continue doing things the way we always have, without unpacking the reasons why. The work can be likened to pulling at a thread which leads to the complete undoing but with trust in the process you will find that the undoing was essential in order to start again, to build with intention, to live in the knowledge that the actions and behaviours that you embody are understood and conscious. By carving out precious time to commit to the work, you are committing to your fellows. Being willing to look at all of you, even the darkest corners has the ability to transform your energy over time. Time isn’t a healer, time with reflection and action provides the grounds for healing to take place. Through committing to yourself ongoing you will only see your relationships with others thrive. If we can stop obsessing over changing other people and instead looked inwards we might find a completely new perspective from which to operate, one that offers up peace, joy and serenity.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”
― Rumi
We wanted to share five pillars that you can use to begin your self-discovery journey.
Questioning
Both Socrates and Descartes saw questioning as essential although they had different methods. If you have spent time with a therapist you will notice questions as a big part of the process. In the self-discovery work that we have curated, questions are there to open up our understanding and to help us move into awareness. Placing the questions into your hands alone is a powerful tool. You only have yourself to contend with. If you take your time and answer honestly and fearlessly you will uncover so much. We mostly move into adulthood at breakneck speed that we barely come up for air let alone take some time to understand the beliefs and opinions we have formed alongside the reactions we display. This sort of inability to slow down can sometimes be a coping method. Our culture has delivered a toxic roadmap for life and we tend to subscribe automatically with our programming taking place in the first 7 years of our lives. For some the need to look inwards is unavoidable, we may have endured some tragedy or trauma which has meant we find every day functioning challenging, we may hit a rock bottom and be pushed onto this course. However you find yourself on the path of self-discovery be thankful and stick with it. The greater the awareness, the greater our potential to control our emotions and behaviours.
2. Awareness
Awareness is basically the ability to see ourselves as we are. Over time we create stories about ourselves, some of them may still feel true but often they are remnants of past selves. This is why self-discovery is a lifetime journey. Not in a tiresome all consuming way but the journey can run alongside your day to day, keeping you curious and humble. Once we have asked ourselves the important questions we can use our answers to gain insight. We begin to see our inner landscape more clearly, we don’t need to add hefty labels to what we discover, just noticing the many aspects of self, letting them come into the light without judgement.
3. Acceptance
To accept ourselves as we are does not mean that we aren’t drawn to improve anything. To accept ourselves as we are is to understand that we are perfectly imperfect and always will be. If we approach the work of self-betterment from the place of feeling as though we are broken and need fixing, we are missing the headline. We are not broken, we are not any of the harsh things your inner critic might want to label you as. We are on our own journey, it is an illusion to think anyone is ahead or behind. We do not need to subscribe to any one else’s vision for our own lives. If we notice our behaviours aren’t where we want them to be, instead of berating ourselves, use that energy to understand the reasons for that behaviour, accept that is where you are and place an intention to explore it further. Real change takes time.
4. Others
This is sometimes left out of self-discovery work but how we treat others directly impacts us. To be on this journey is to commit to treating others with kindness. This won’t happen overnight with complicated relationships where we need to dig deeper and understand the dynamic but it can begin immediately when it comes to our daily interactions. Smile at people when you walk past, thank the bus driver, be kind to the sales person on the telephone. By acting with compassion and kindness to strangers, we might find that we open up the space for compassion and kindness towards ourselves.
5. Action
We tend to see action as all or nothing. We make promises of abstinence or of absolutes and wonder why they don’t last. Action needs to be approached with a longevity mindset and with great flexibility. We offer many practices in our workshop that you can try out to see how they work for you. We do not say it has to be done at the same time everyday or that you must have the perfect space to practice. Action can also be messy and imperfect. One week you might find space to do something every day and the following week only a few days. That’s ok, just don’t give up. Accept the good days and accept the harder days.