Find yourself amongst the noise
Sometimes I want to blindfold myself, block my ears and sit on my hands. The noise of this world can feel unbearable and overwhelming; we see and hear more information than at any other time in the history of humanity. How did we get here?
My attitude to technological advances is positive, and I find much excitement in particular developments and possibilities. We could utilise it better than we currently do; for example, it could be a brilliant tool for creating a democratic world. Unfortunately, most of us have yet to find a reliable way to live our lives fully and to lean on technology when needed rather than out of habit or because of addiction. I am soon to be 38 years old, so for most of my adult life, I have used computers, email, the internet and social media. Whilst thinking about this essay, I tried to imagine my adulthood without these tools.
How would I feel if I found my research and learning through reading books that I either went to a bookshop to buy or the library to borrow?
What would my life feel like if sharing moments through images wasn't an option?
What if, to contact friends and family, I had to pick up the phone to speak with them; not only that, I had to sit down and have a conversation. Multitasking not an option.
My period of imagination was probably the 90s; it's how I picture my Dad running his business, piles of paper all over his desk, fax machine on the side, feet up on the desk, fag in mouth, telephone ringing constantly.
Self-reflection work is not just about our inner world, thoughts and actions, but it is also the opportunity to examine how we have adapted to the ever-changing world; it's space to look at our systems and assess what's working and what isn't.
Technology isn't the only noise we face. Still, as I began to break down how to find yourself, your views and beliefs, I kept coming back to the need to get quiet and having technology and information at the tip of our fingers nearly all the time seemed to be the loudest sound. We must get quiet if we want to know ourselves again; there isn't a way around this. The noisier our lives are, the easier it is to forget who we are. The only way to remember, strengthen and grow is by slowing down, sitting through the uncomfortable and unfamiliar and breaking through to the other side – a higher consciousness.
Breaking through well-trodden patterns takes a consistent approach; consistency is only within reach if we understand why we are doing something. It is the 'why' that keeps us coming back.
So if you feel as though you have lost yourself over the years, firstly, you are not alone. It's all too easy to lose ourselves; modern advances are sometimes designed to encourage this abandonment of what makes us unique. Relearning who we are can be a great adventure; turning our back on what we have been told to be is liberating. It takes courage to start the process and effort to keep going; keep peeling back the layers of conditioning to reveal your core.
“We should do away with the absolutely specious notion that everybody has to earn a living. It is a fact today that one in ten thousand of us can make a technological breakthrough capable of supporting all the rest. The youth of today are absolutely right in recognising this nonsense of earning a living. We keep inventing jobs because of this false idea that everybody has to be employed at some kind of drudgery because, according to Malthusian Darwinian theory he must justify his right to exist. So we have inspectors of inspectors and people making instruments for inspectors to inspect inspectors. The true business of people should be to go back to school and think about whatever it was they were thinking about before somebody came along and told them they had to earn a living.”
Commonly, a catalyst to change is an experience that has hurt us, something has worn us down or brought us to our knees; therefore, we must approach change with the sort of gentle, loving care you would show a baby bird. Unrelenting compassion and acceptance towards yourself are paramount. As you move toward breaking familiar patterns, you may spiral into old habits and unhealthy but familiar ways. You may notice things coming to the surface, forcing you to examine them. Being visited by these histories is a part of the process; if you fall, take a step or ten backwards, forgive yourself and come back to your why. As Brene Brown said, "The final battle is always the bloodiest". Another phrase to remember during this process is 'you have to feel it to heal it'.
How you get quiet is down to you, there are so many different approaches, so feel free if meditation doesn't call to you. But, of course, meditation is an incredible tool if it does work for you; it's a practice that I come back to time after time. However, I don't have a reliable method and have accepted that meditation comes in waves for me.
So ask yourself —
Where am I taking in too much information?
What elements are the noisiest in my life?
How can I get quiet?
What boundaries do I need to put in place to find peace?
Which practices help slow down my thinking brain?
For me, the noise comes from spending time the wrong way on Instagram - looking at random celebrity news (why!), comparing someone's highlights to my reality, and scrolling without connecting. However, I enjoy using Instagram to share my creativity and find inspiration or funny memes. I also lose myself when I overeat, which I have been doing over the last couple of years. I have three young children, which can be tiring, and food has become my crutch; I forgive myself and am in the process of breaking that pattern. The other loud noise in my life is my thoughts – they can be unrelenting and sometimes incredibly negative. I create boundaries around my thoughts which helps, and when I practice kundalini meditation regularly, I notice a higher vibration in my mind.
So get clear on where the loudest noise is in your life, and find how to move around it. On the other side, you'll meet yourself.
Finding yourself comprises remembering and relearning.
Who were you before the noise – what still applies?
Having had the experiences you've had – who are you now?
The next piece of the puzzle is your values and beliefs. If we are unsure of what we believe or value, we will feel unstable. Questions, requests and challenges will throw us off course with ease. However, when we know what we believe in and fully understand what we value, we can return to this knowledge when faced with anything and use it to move forward confidently. I do this work with most of my coaching clients, and it can untangle so much and shift the person's energy from anxious to grounded over time.
We can find ourselves over and over again. With every year that passes, we change and evolve, we expand and contract, and having awareness can build resilience. When we hold space for self-discovery and growth, we flow with what is. Things happen for us, not to us; life blooms.
All that you touch, you change. All that you change, changes you. The only lasting truth is change.
Are you going through or looking for change in your life? Transformative coaching with me provides a dedicated space for self-exploration and reflection for finding clarity and accountability. If you proceed with 1-1 coaching, you receive complimentary access to my group coaching program SEASON.
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